LONG ISLAND CITY, QUEENS – After nine months of searching , Al’s Liquor n’ Loan as officially announced that they have chosen the northwest corner of 46 Ave and Vernon Boulevard for the location for their second headquarters. Albert DeChristo, owner and proprietor, is confident that this expansion will not only fuel the grow of his business but also benefit the surrounding citizens. “L.I.C. has been recently known as a little ‘rough around the edges’ but I believe that our business model of predatory loans and discount hard liquor are exactly what the neighborhood needs at the moment.”
Ever since Mr. DeChristo announced that Liquor n’ Loan was looking to expand operations, the bidding process between potential locations has been fierce. “Those guys over on 41st were tough,” Mr. DeChristo assures Boredroom News, “they even offered us quite a few guaranteed scratch-off lotto cards to cover some of the rent. But Jimmy here on Vernon says that he’ll splice off the cable from the neighbors and they’re cool with it, so it’s really a done deal at this point.”
The impact of the expansion on the surrounding economy is at the forefront of everyone’s minds. Local resident Vivian Mason has her concerns, “Al told people that he’s bringing jobs, but he’s already got his two nephews, Donny and Lil’ Nick, working just weekends right now, so he’s going to bring them over no problem. What’s that leave us left? A new cashier and maybe a retarded stockboy? My brother ain’t smart enough for that.”
However Al DeChristo has said that hundreds of applications for their new stockroom position have already been flooding in, because, unlike other recent corporate arrivals to the area, Liquor n Loan intends to pay a living wage.