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Inessential Oils Startup Fails to Gain Traction in Local Facebook Group

GREENSBORO, NC – Despite a fervent marketing push across social media, recent inessential oils startup Scentique is struggling to break into the lucrative ecosystem of the Greensboro Buy/Sell + Small Business group on Facebook. Founded on the heels of more successful multi-level marketing players such as doTERRA and ItWorks!, Scentique specializes in concentrated oils that have zero benefits to both humans as well as the plants and herbs from which they are extracted. Volunteer administrators of the Greensboro group have rejected multiple attempts to sell Scentique oils on their forum.

Diamond ELite Oils Consultant KandiLynn Gorney, otherwise unemployed mother of two, says her “small business” is just as valid as those offering produce for sale or tax attorneys offering their services. “I don’t know why Melissa [Donner, the lead admin] doesn’t let me sell. My script is perfectly designed to guarantee sales success; just read it,”

Heyy gurl🙋! It’s been a while since high school lol😎. what r u doing these days😍😍? [wait for response] that’s grr8, Hun!🙌 how would u liek to be a complete bossbabe💪💪 and start ur own business💲💵? [they’ll say yes] I have some amazing🌺 oils that don’t do much💩 but if you can sell them to distant aquaintences on facebook😜, then you can make at least $20💵 a month! that’s enough for two more bottles 🙌. Can I put you down for three cases to join our team🙏? 😻🌈✨✨

“Anyone with two years of failed community college and family members’ credit card should be jumping on this opportunity,” Ms. Gorney says, “if I still had custody of my kids, I’d be able to raise them right with all my oil money; I’m basically J.R. Ewing.”

But many potential customers/employees/victims are skeptical and the group’s administrators won’t budge. “I was in algebra with KandiLynn over ten years ago,” explains Mrs. Donner, 31, “I guess she didn’t pay much attention, because I’m certainly not going to leave my law practice to sell watery Glade Plug-ins to recovering meth addicts; that math just doesn’t add up. and I’m certainly not going to let her trap anyone else in her pyramid scheme.”

When reached for comment, Scentique’s Chief Executive Officer and sole profitable vendor, Carl Vortich, was unavailable according to the U.S. Department of Prisons, Tucson, where he is serving a slightly-unrelated sentence for wire fraud.

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