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IBM Rebrands Red Hat, Will Focus on Legacy Windows 98 Support

ARMONK, NY – Accelerating cloud computing was the goal when IBM acquired Red Hat(RHT) last October, and now the technology giant has announced that the former open-source darling will be provide legacy Windows 98 support to IBM clients around the world.

“The forefront of the cloud revolution is a lonely place to be,” says spokesperson Bart Rainey, “so it’s a good thing we’re not there. We have admired Red Hat’s efforts to develop and grow enterprise-grade Linux, but, as it turns out, most people still think Linux is for basement dwellers, so we’re going to take them in a different direction.” Over 75% of Fortune 500 companies, as well as hundred of federal and local government agencies, continue to use older versions of the Windows operating system everyday and the International Business Machines Corporation aims to lock in providing support for decades to come.

Nevertheless, not all are thrilled about the shift in focus. Former head of development for Red Hat’s Kubernetes hybrid container system, Amy Allers, expressed concerns that Windows 98 is a step backwards for her organization. “I haven’t even used a Microsoft product since middle-school, let alone an operating system that isn’t named after a type of hat or penguin, so yeah, I’m kinda bummed,” Ms. Allers said, “however, they paid $34 billion , so really they can do whatever the hell they want after I cash out and watch this slow-mo Titanic from a beach in Aruba.”

Despite concerns from both employees as well as investors, Mr. Rainey remains optimistic about the progress that the acquisition brings to the organization as a whole, “We’re all eagerly preparing for the upgrade to Windows ME by 2021, but no one here’s knows how to do it, so maybe the Red Hat guys can help with that as well.”

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