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Posts published in March 2019

Embattled Boeing Taps Ghost of Howard Hughes to Design, Pilot 737 Replacement

CHICAGO, IL – “There’s only one man we considered for the job;” announced Boeing Chief Executive Dennis Muilenburg, “Howard Hughes may have died over 40 years ago, but he’s still the best we’ve got.” As the aerospace and defense firm attempts to recover from two high-profile crashes that has grounded thousands of flights worldwide, bringing back a titan of the industry to helm the development for the 737 Max aircraft is seen by some as a bold move.… Read more

Fox Revives ‘Firefly’ After Finding Trove of Unread Letters; ‘We Didn’t Know People Wanted This’

LOS ANGELES, CA – Stunned Fox executives hurriedly green-lit production of new episodes of beloved former television franchise Firefly on Wednesday after they realized that there had been nearly two decades of popular demand for the show. Many viewers have been constantly petitioning the production studio for years, but apparently all correspondence on the matter had fallen behind a counter top in the Twentieth Century Fox mail room.… Read more

Hudson Yards Opens Hunting Grounds for The Most Dangerous Game

NEW YORK, NY – Flocking to the newly-opened Hudson Yards, shoppers, tourists, and residents of the luxury apartment buildings will find another attraction this week, an open-air game preserve dedicated to hunting the world’s most dangerous game, Man.

“The Hunting Ground at Hudson Yards caters exclusively to the ultra-wealthy sportsmen who have grown tired of traditional big-game hunting,” says lead developer Antonin Zaroff of Oxford Properties Group, “and wish for prey as cunning and dangerous as a human.”… Read more

Unlike Undergraduate Scandal, ‘MBA Admissions a Complete Meritocracy,’ Says Student Whose Family Donated $10 Million

NEW YORK, NY – As the world of higher education reels from the indictments of actresses and millionaires in bribing undergraduate admissions departments, those in top business school can rest assured that their path to elite institutions was solely based on their accomplishments, says David Mendelson, a student a Columbia Business School whose family donated $10 million to the institution.… Read more

Philadelphia Returns to Wampum Currency to Combat ‘Cashless’ Retail

PHILADELPHIA, PA – This old school, physical currency might be the next wave of a more egalitarian economy in the City of Brotherly Love. Amid the trend of ‘cashless’ coffee shops and retail rising in the the United States, Philadelphia has authorized the use of wampum, shell beads traditionally used by Iroquois Nations for social and commercial transactions, as legal tender that must be accepted throughout the city.… Read more

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