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ExxonMobile Celebrates Pride Month by Dumping Rainbow Oil Sheen Across Arctic

ANCHORAGE, AK – In a show of solidarity with the LGBT community during Pride Month many companies have unveiled new logos that incorporates the rainbow flag, but only ExxonMobile has spread over 10 million gallons of crude oil across pristine Alaskan waters to create a massive rainbow in the name of diversity, acceptance, and inclusion.

“The rainbow is recognized worldwide as the symbol of LGBT equality and we are proud to display it over thousands of miles of coastline. Every fisherman, sea otter, and American bald eagle will see the effects of ExxonMobile’s solidarity and support for the LGBT community for several decades to come,” says Erin Winebark, the oil giant’s Vice President for Diversity and Maritime Disasters.

Perhaps not surprisingly, homophobic trolls responded negatively to the news, criticizing ExxonMobile for irreparably destroying the marine environment under the guise of pandering to the LGBT community. “They’ve poisoned the ocean and killed hundreds of thousands of wildlife,” said one poster on a local web forum, “and it’s not like Exxon has actively made contributions toward equality for the gay and trans communities. No one cares about the giant shiny rainbow the millions of gallons of oil have made in the Arctic.”

“Still it’s better than nothing; twenty years ago they would have just said the oil spill was the gays’ fault in the first place.”

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