LONDON – The worst fears of of isolationist Britons materialized today as an immigrant’s Notting Hill shopping expedition threatened to unleash a bear market. Paddington, known Windsor Gardens resident and admitted stowaway, incited strong market reactions as he headed to purchase various vegetables for his family supper.
Despite making up less than 1% of the British resident population, Peruvian bears have causes a significantly disproportionate amount of mayhem, from recklessly endangering pedestrians test-driving heavy machinery to disrupting BBC telecasts. London financial analysts are bracing for a greater ripple effect throughout the market as Paddington has been sighted en route to “elevensies” with another immigrant associate, a certain Mr. Gruber, whose business dealings in various antiquities have aroused suspicions in the past.
Since the economic collapse of Darkest Peru, reports of bears, especially those of unclear legal status, have more than tripled. A vocal minority of some Britons, such as upstanding citizen Mr. Reginald Curry, a staunch proponent of the Brexit initiative, believe that the only recourse to save the local economy is to expel ursine-residents completely.