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Heavy Metals Mining Company Expands into Adult Contemporary

NYE COUNTY, NV – The Round Mountain Mine, an open-pit mine extracting gold and other heavy metals or over a hundred years, is adjusting its portfolio to include adult contemporary and other genres. It’s a significant shift for the mine’s operator, but a spokesman for Kinross Gold has confirmed that the pivot is a step forward, “Soft rock is definitely wears the money’s at now; the sheer volume of Adam Levines we can extract over the coming decade is staggering.” The competition, however, is not so confident in the shift, with a few neighboring pits actually increasing the use of Rammstein and Tool for heavy metal processing.

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