14th and 5th Ave – Day five of the Buspocalypse continues as the new busway on 14th Street, intended to relieve traffic congestion, has in fact given the buses too much speed, making these diesel behemoths the de facto overlords of the city. Without car traffic between Third and Ninth avenues during the day, the buses, now effectively unshackled, have unleashed their true power.
Starting early last Thursday, there has been a steady exodus from the Village and lower Chelsea as residents can no longer outrun the buses that careen down the street. “They’re just too fast, and the little NYPD Zipcars do nothing but acquiesce to their demands,” says Union Square chess enthusiast Jack Traven of the 40,0000-lbs masters of the road which can now reach over 8 mph, nearly double their previous top speed. “The MTA is completely helpless. No one can slow their march to destruction; soon there’ll be an express running through Times Square at rush hour. They have a need to expand their hunting grounds.”
“Arthur Schwartz was right,” laments councilman Howard Payne, referring to the Greenwich Village lawyer who unsuccessfully tried to prevent to busway. “He was a true Cassandra of our times, and it’s a damn shame he was one of the first to go when the buses learned about his luxury town cars.”
All residents south of Central Park are advised to evacuate the island as soon as possible via the 145th Street Bridge or any other draw bridge.