NEW YORK CITY – Peloton (PTON), the exercise equipment company, is “taking a step back to reassess” after their luxury bicycle failed multiple road tests earlier this week. The setback surprised not only customers eager to hit the open road with their new holiday gifts, but also to investors, who have plunged the firm’s share price nearly 10%.
Posts published in December 2019
NORTH POLE -- Half-finished toys strewn about, workers asleep on the assembly line, urine-soaked yule logs: welcome to Santa's Workshop. Behind its immaculately-curated public image, life at the North Pole is far from candy canes and gumdrops; Boredroom News' exclusive undercover report reveals the dismal conditions in which elves work to bring materialistic joy to children every Christmas.
ROSSLYN, VA -- As the Ok Boomer meme sweeps the nation, it has bristled some of the older Americans it characterizes. "Hate speech will not be tolerated," declared one victim of the trend, Harold Gordon, a 59-year-old senior vice president at Alcalde & Fay, who regularly wore blackface throughout his youth and professional career.
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, LOWER MANHATTAN - The Society of Baphomet, an ancient cult devoted to orgiastic rites, held their first networking get-together of the spring this week in a cavernous, underground lair located somewhere in the depths of New York City. Formally attended by only the wealthiest and most connected members of high society, the Society of Baphomet recently opened their doors, and legs, to a wider array of students, professionals, and entrepreneurs in hopes of bringing in new participants to the sex-fueled worship of their Dark Master.