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Posts published in April 2020

Editor-in-Chief: Why We’re Not Returning Federal Aid

These are unprecedented times for journalism, America, and the world. With offices shuttered for weeks, if not months, every business faces a difficult choice: drastically reduce staff or bleed cash until the whole business goes bankrupt. Although troubled from the start, the federal Payment Protection Program is meant for small organizations, like Boredroom News, through the coronavirus pandemic.… Read more

Hospitals on Fly-Over: “Holy Shit, That Worked!”

NEW YORK CITY — In what can only be described an unequivocal miracle, President Trump’s self-aggrandizing air show has almost instantaneously solved the Coronavirus pandemic. After the formation of US Navy Blue Angels and US Air Force Thunderbirds swept through all five boroughs of the beleaguered city at around noon, almost every patient afflicted by COVID-19 was discharged in excellent health by press time.… Read more

Babylonian Farmers Struggle to Recover from Ishtar’s Wrath

Ur — Barely farmers are off to a rocky start in Q2 of the third year of Hammurabi’s reign as the dependable cereal crop failed to reach levels expected before the Queen of Heaven devastated all agriculture in the region. At the time the Tigris and Euphrates rivers normally flood the plains and mark the beginning of the harvest season, scythes lie unused as locals attempt to appease Ishtar and save this year’s crop.… Read more

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