KNOXVILLE, TN — The novel coronavirus has made the unprecedented leap to inanimate hosts, authorities report, as IBM Summit, the world’s most powerful supercomputer, has fallen to respiratory complications from combatting the virus.
“Not gonna lie, this is a pretty bad first day,” admitted Arvind Krishna, who assumed the top job at Big Blue on Monday, “but we cannot be discouraged — Summit had made great strides identifying small-molecule drug compounds that may fight the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus, before ultimately falling ill to the disease itself.”
Although experts say that the virus’ evolution from organic to virtual is wholly unprecedented, IBM is investigating the phenomena. “Maybe a port was open and airborne particles got sucked into a vent, or the Uber Eats guy brought it in when we brought the Quizno’s,” posited Mr. Krishna, who demurred when questioned about the inauspicious start to his tenure as CEO.
“Look, I didn’t build this thing,” explained an exasperated Mr. Krishna, “blame Ginni if you want.”