WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Internal Revenue Service has teamed up with Domino’s Pizza (DPZ) to deliver the $2 trillion federal coronavirus response stimulus via the company’s ubiquitous pizza tracker. “I knew Domino’s would step up to the plate,” said Jim O’Dell, IRS Sub-director of Renumeration and Confections, “and streamline this monumental undertaking with the American ingenuity and Italian seasoning.”
The check tracking process is only available to Domino’s customers, regardless of taxpayer status or eligibility. “Your Social Security Number and topping preferences have been imported automatically from previous returns,” O’Dell continues, citing Great Depression precedent when the first welfare checks were printed on the label of millions of canned beans.
Domino’s will also provide compensation for people whose checks are delayed. Checks arriving after May 31 will come with a coupon for half-off any dessert with purchase of a meal, and users who opt to pick up their check at their local Domino’s will receive a free two liter of Diet Fresca.
Rosa Rossi of Jacksonville, Indiana, said her check has been out for delivery for more than a week, despite clear indications to the contrary on her Tasty Tracker dashboard. “I still haven’t gotten my check, but yesterday I got a pizza I didn’t order. Hopefully it’s enough to feed both me and my landlord for a few weeks.”