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Equinox: “For $200 a Month, You Can Tag Us in Videos of You Doing Squats in the Park”

HUDSON YARDS, Manhattan — The boutique gym chain has announced plans to reopen while taking steps to maintain proper hygiene, such as scheduling all visits in advance, switching to single-use barbells, and relying heavily on their digital and social presence to keep their quarantined customers engaged. “Without sacrificing the prestige of paying exorbitant membership fees, all of our fitness clients can safely exercise outside in one of the many fine parks not overrun by the homeless,” explains Exquinox’s Chief Digital Officer Don Dominguez. “In these unprecedented times, we know that our core clientele rely on signaling the expensive of our luxury amenities, even if only to let instagram know that you have one of the ‘good’ jobs and are still employed.”

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