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Louie CK Drops Newest Special on OnlyFans

NEW YORK CITY — Strange times make for strange bedfellows, or uncomfortable masturbation-fellows, as is the case when the comedian Louie C.K. announced this week that his newest special would be released exclusively on the subscription site OnlyFans, where users can purchase premium explicit content directly from creators.

“I welcome you to the only platform that embraces the full range of comedic and sexual acts,” writes C.K. in his newsletter to fans, noting that the disgraced comedian is eager to share his acerbic wit and “stilted, unsolicited bouts of self-pleasure” with viewers from the comfort and safety of their own homes. Fully taking advantage of the unique experience of OnlyFans, the special runs at a leisurely eighteen hours, described by early access viewers as “well-crafted storytelling interspersed with Louie’s signature taboo wit on everything from 9/11 to his own recent foibles, all while lounging in his pillowed bedroom, slowly bringing himself to climax with various vegetables and household instruments.”

Having been shunned by most mainstream media since the accusations surfaced nearly two years ago, C.K. admits that he didn’t have many options, “It was either this or Quibi; I may be finger-blasting my ginger bunghole for $5 tips on OnlyFans, but at least I have my dignity.”

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