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Alison Roman Also Responsible for Malagasy Murders Fueled by Vanilla Trade

ANTANANARIVO, Madagascar — Alison Roman, the millennial cookbook author who rose to internet stardom on her approachable charm, is still reeling from a candid interview in which she dismissed other internet stars with less-approachable charm. Like all viral backlash, many feel the issues run deeper than the slight and have raised their voices on Roman’s appropriation of ethnic flavors as well as a series of violent assaults in the Anjahana jungles of Madagascar in an effort to secure those very spices.

“She hacked and stabbed them to death with machetes and harpoons,” said a vanilla farmer of the simple-chic YouTube chef who recently swept through his village and disposed of the farmers who would not sell to her at a steep discount. “And I really don’t want to throw any shade,” continued the farmer who asked not to named for fear of online reprisal by Roman’s devoted fans, “but I can’t help but view it on a broader scale of race phenomena – a white girl running around cutting off black and brown hands to use their vanilla in her delightful smoothies; it just shows the leeway we’ve given to the self-effacing stars of contemporary cuisine.”

While Roman doesn’t deny the existence, or even the brutality, of the killings – she is, after all, disarmingly honest – she rejects any animus or racism. “I’m just a person writing recipes that people like and I’m dedicated to finding the most authentic ingredients to share with the world,” Roman tells Boredroom News, “but the whole vanilla thing was really blown out of proportion by those mutilated villagers, it’s not like I put my name on cheap cookware like that Teigen bitch.”

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