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Firework Sales Boom as Raytheon Enters Direct-to-Consumer Market

FLATBUSH, NY — As the pandemic continues to wreak havoc on supply chains worldwide, some industries, such as the urban fireworks market, are thriving due to major supply chain innovations by international munitions dealers such as Raytheon, who has confirmed that the company launched their new direct-to-consumer (DTC) platform in urban areas across the country earlier this month.

“We’re pleased that so many people are enjoying our Shock ‘n’ Awesome Neighborhood Kit,” says Raytheon spokesman Kyle DiMarco, “which allows everyday citizens to recreate the Battle of Fallujah in their own crowded city streets without having to rely on middlemen, such as the United States military, to provide dangerous explosives.” Until now, Mr. DiMarco explained, the international arms industry “has been plagued by bloat in the form of governments who insist on being the only distributor of our high quality product lines. But we can save on jet fuel if people destroy local communities themselves, and then pass those savings to our loyal customers.”

While business is clearly booming now, some experts are wary as to whether recent trends indicate lasting change. “Americans may have the disposable income, and penchant for self-destruction, to capitalize on a DTC munitions model,” says Alfred J. Knotts, a Barclay’s investment analyst and former Navy Mineman, “but it may take years of economic support before consumers in Afghanistan have the community capital to rain down AGM-65 Mavericks on their own villages.”

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