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Posts published in July 2020

Redskins Rebrand as the Washington Federal Agents after Sponsors Call for Change

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Football League franchise formally known as the Redskins unveiled their new name and mascot this week after many notable sponsors decried the former name’s racist overtones. Now officially the Washington Federal Agents, CEO Dan Snyder said he personally worked with his marketing team and members of the D.C. community to find “the embodiment of the warrior ethos in the modern age.”… Read more

Costco Refuses to Let Man Return Panic-Bought Toilet Paper Used

EDEN PRARIE, MN — A local man attempted to return nearly two hundred rolls of toilet paper purchased at the onset of the coronavirus pandemic but was asked to leave when Costco (COST) personnel found that the product had not only already been opened, but had been soiled extensively. Known for their generous returns policy, bulk sizes of household goods, and grease-laden pizzas and chicken bakes, the warehouse in the Minneapolis suburb was plagued by selfish consumers over-buying toilet paper at the fearing new stay-at-home orders.… Read more

Doggy Daycares Tapped to Supplement NYC Elementary Schools in Plans to Reopen

UPPER EAST SIDE – As the city slowly lurches back to life throughout the coronavirus pandemic, the unique challenges of reopening schools call for more classroom space, and many more teachers and support staff, to safely bring students back. This week Schools Chancellor Richard Carranza announced a strategic partnership with Biscuits & Bath, the local canine daycare chain, to provide auxiliary school rooms for elementary students throughout the city, as well as supervision for children during recess and most grooming services.… Read more

More Than a Discount for Veterans, This Supermarket is Charging the Taliban Extra

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — To show support for America’s troops, the supermarket chain Food Lion is offering an extra 10% discount to U.S. military veterans and their families, and, to show their on-going disapproval of international terrorism, is actually demanding that verified members of the Taliban pay 10% more.

“Some companies may think that simply helping our vets is enough,” says Deke Shanahan, Food Lion Vice President for Dairy, Tobacco and Public Relations, “but do not have specific policies to discourage enemies of the state from shopping alongside them.… Read more

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