ORLANDO, FL — Facing an outbreak in Florida of over 10,000 new coronavirus cases daily, Disney World has responded by unveiling their latest addition to the Magic Kingdom, a sprawling medical complex dubbed ‘ICU Land’ where ill or exposed park-goers can see Nurse Minnie as they wait for rides. “We value our patrons’ safety,” said Sharon Pewter, a Disney vice president for park sanitation and animatronics, “almost as much as our shareholders. Mickey and his friends have made ICU Land a totally immersive adventure that faithfully creates the experience of a poorly-handled global pandemic in a formerly industrialized nation, and we know tourists won’t be able to stay away!”
Located strategically behind Main Street USA as to not miss out on any Disney shopping opportunities en route to the emergency room, ICU Land boasts state-of-the-art attractions to accommodate guests as they succumb to respiratory failure. Although Goofy’s Great Ventilator Adventure has received early praise for keeping patrons alive after their lungs collapse from COVID-19 exposure, Disney was forced to increase hygiene effort after multiple reports that the Hand Sanitizer Luge had not been refilled in three days.
Executives hope that ICU Land will assuage fears and keep tourists healthy, but it isn’t the only addition Disney world has made in response to the pandemic; Ms. Pewter anticipates that “the mass graves dug in Frontierland will be full by Christmas.”