Posts published in “General”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Football League franchise formally known as the Redskins unveiled their new name and mascot this week after many notable sponsors decried the former name’s racist overtones. Now officially the Washington Federal Agents, CEO Dan Snyder said he personally worked with his marketing team and members of the D.C. community to find “the embodiment of the warrior ethos in the modern age.”… Read more
EDEN PRARIE, MN — A local man attempted to return nearly two hundred rolls of toilet paper purchased at the onset of the coronavirus pandemic but was asked to leave when Costco (COST) personnel found that the product had not only already been opened, but had been soiled extensively. Known for their generous returns policy, bulk sizes of household goods, and grease-laden pizzas and chicken bakes, the warehouse in the Minneapolis suburb was plagued by selfish consumers over-buying toilet paper at the fearing new stay-at-home orders.… Read more
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — To show support for America’s troops, the supermarket chain Food Lion is offering an extra 10% discount to U.S. military veterans and their families, and, to show their on-going disapproval of international terrorism, is actually demanding that verified members of the Taliban pay 10% more.
“Some companies may think that simply helping our vets is enough,” says Deke Shanahan, Food Lion Vice President for Dairy, Tobacco and Public Relations, “but do not have specific policies to discourage enemies of the state from shopping alongside them.… Read more
Washington, D.C. – Months of fumbled pandemic responses from the White House have left the country in dire straits, but this morning President Trump issued an official mandate requiring face covering to be worn at all time after he had learned that a junior merchandising volunteer had ordered nearly two million masks emblazoned with “Make America Great Again.”… Read more