"Everyone is too afraid to go outside in dense urban areas, handle coins that have been in circulation for decades, and then press their face against a dirty headset," lamented Gary Clymer, Director of Sales, Manufacturing, and Strange Beeps at Western Electric, and speaking remotely from a payphone on 49th and 8th, "so we may have to face to fact that our once-shining industry may never fully recover."
Posts published in “Technology”
“A pedestrian experience that is everything but pedestrian.”
NEW YORK CITY – “I was wrong,” former mayor and presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg admitted in a shocking apology this week, “I now realize that over-regulation of normal citizens just trying to make a living through high-risk speculative investments was detrimental to society.”
LOS GATOS, CA — The streaming giant revealed that it has amended some episodes of its hit show Stranger Things to remove unfavorable references to the Upside Down, according to the company’s first report
Social Governance. Although Netflix (NFLX) has removed content at the demand of governments around the world, this is the first takedown request on behalf of an interdimentional evil super-organism.
"Warheads on foreheads is our business," Kennedy said at the annual earnings call on Thursday, "but business isn't booming.
"We have opened the very legs of god," beamed Goop founder Gweneth Paltrow, who also served as principle investigator for the experiment. "Although highly unstable, our lab-grown quantum vagina proves that concentrated yonic energy can be achieved in a lab."