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Boredroom News

More Than a Discount for Veterans, This Supermarket is Charging the Taliban Extra

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — To show support for America’s troops, the supermarket chain Food Lion is offering an extra 10% discount to U.S. military veterans and their families, and, to show their on-going disapproval of international terrorism, is actually demanding that verified members of the Taliban pay 10% more.

“Some companies may think that simply helping our vets is enough,” says Deke Shanahan, Food Lion Vice President for Dairy, Tobacco and Public Relations, “but do not have specific policies to discourage enemies of the state from shopping alongside them.… Read more

Disney World Builds ‘ICU Land’ to Treat COVID Patients without Leaving Park

ORLANDO, FL — Facing an outbreak in Florida of over 10,000 new coronavirus cases daily, Disney World has responded by unveiling their latest addition to the Magic Kingdom, a sprawling medical complex dubbed ‘ICU Land’ where ill or exposed park-goers can see Nurse Minnie as they wait for rides. “We value our patrons’ safety,” said Sharon Pewter, a Disney vice president for park sanitation and animatronics, “almost as much as our shareholders.… Read more

Trump Reverses on Virus after Campaign Staffer Orders Too Many MAGA Masks

Washington, D.C. – Months of fumbled pandemic responses from the White House have left the country in dire straits, but this morning President Trump issued an official mandate requiring face covering to be worn at all time after he had learned that a junior merchandising volunteer had ordered nearly two million masks emblazoned with “Make America Great Again.”… Read more

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