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Posts tagged as “BLM”

Quaker Oats to Change Name, Says William Penn ‘Does Not Represent Our Commitment to Crass Materialism’

CHICAGO — The Quaker Oats Company, has announced plans to retire their century-old mascot amid backlash over the character’s history, acknowledging that “the Quaker principles of simplicity and integrity are incompatible with our corporate mission to embrace the extremes of Capitalism.”

Critics of the company, a subsidiary of PepsiCo, says that the move is in the right direction, but some activist investors claim that Quaker Oats knew the image of William Penn “promoted outdated values,” such as stewardship in the community and devotion to integrity in all aspects of life, for years without taking action.… Read more

McDonald’s Employee Accused of Shitting in McFlurries Has 19 Prior Complaints of Shitting in McFlurries

TEMPE, AZ — An employee caught on camera violently defecating into the ice cream machine at the McDonald’s on University Drive had over a dozen prior misconduct complaints for the same activity, according the employee’s shift supervisor. “We knew Derek had been pooping in the chocolate soft-serve for months, actually,” admits Assistant Manager Shannon Lin of 14-year McDonald’s veteran food handler, Derek Chavez, whose reign of frozen fecal terror has been common knowledge throughout the Tempe community.… Read more

Struggling Economy Bolstered as Doughnut Shops End Police Discounts

NORTH KINGSTON, R.I. — While the world economy struggles to rebound from a historic drop in consumer demand due to the coronavirus pandemic, some communities have found much needed dollars by making members of the police and military pay full price for coffee and doughnuts, especially as many companies are distancing themselves from over-militarized law enforcement organizations.… Read more

U.S. Navy to be Called Up for Sweepers, Securing Gear Adrift, after Riots

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a week of intense riots after the murder of George Floyd at the hands of the Minneapolis Police, the Secretary of Defense confirmed that active duty Navy personnel would be deployed to domestic cities, “to do what American Sailors know best: Sweepers.” The extraordinary move activate the military was decided on Monday night as President Trump cowered underground, demanding an elite military effort to solve civil unrest.… Read more

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