Press "Enter" to skip to content

Posts tagged as “IBM”

IBM Supercomputer Fighting COVID-19 Succumbs to Virus

KNOXVILLE, TN — The novel coronavirus has made the unprecedented leap to inanimate hosts, authorities report, as IBM Summit, the world’s most powerful supercomputer, has fallen to respiratory complications from combatting the virus.

“Not gonna lie, this is a pretty bad first day,” admitted Arvind Krishna, who assumed the top job at Big Blue on Monday, “but we cannot be discouraged — Summit had made great strides identifying small-molecule drug compounds that may fight the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus, before ultimately falling ill to the disease itself.”… Read more

IBM Bets Big on Pivot to Unprofessional Services

ARMONK, NY — With better-than-expected earnings to round out the last quarter, senior leadership at Big Blue (IBM) announced during their annual earnings call how they intend to generate value for their “dipshit clients” as they shift to more unprofessional services offerings.

Ginni Rommetty, IBM’s current chief executive and self-proclaimed “big, bad bitch,” who is leading the change throughout the century-old organization, was optimistic.… Read more

IBM Rebrands Red Hat, Will Focus on Legacy Windows 98 Support

ARMONK, NY – Accelerating cloud computing was the goal when IBM acquired Red Hat(RHT) last October, and now the technology giant has announced that the former open-source darling will be provide legacy Windows 98 support to IBM clients around the world.

“The forefront of the cloud revolution is a lonely place to be,” says spokesperson Bart Rainey, “so it’s a good thing we’re not there.… Read more

Mission News Theme by Compete Themes.