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Posts tagged as “Navy”

Ingalls Shipbuilding Cancels NYPD Contract for Guided Missile Cruiser

PASCAGOULA, MI — Huntington Ingalls Industries (HII) announced Wednesday morning that it would be voiding a recent contract with the New York City Police Department to build a Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser, citing ethical concerns with the response to the George Floyd protests. The pre-commissioned NYSS Cuomo (named after the elder governor) was intended exclusively for crowd control purposes, according to a spokesman for the NYPD, and “only non-lethal rubber bomblets were to be used in the warheads of all 122 Tomahawk Land Attack Missiles on board.”… Read more

U.S. Navy to be Called Up for Sweepers, Securing Gear Adrift, after Riots

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a week of intense riots after the murder of George Floyd at the hands of the Minneapolis Police, the Secretary of Defense confirmed that active duty Navy personnel would be deployed to domestic cities, “to do what American Sailors know best: Sweepers.” The extraordinary move activate the military was decided on Monday night as President Trump cowered underground, demanding an elite military effort to solve civil unrest.… Read more

Hospitals on Fly-Over: “Holy Shit, That Worked!”

NEW YORK CITY — In what can only be described an unequivocal miracle, President Trump’s self-aggrandizing air show has almost instantaneously solved the Coronavirus pandemic. After the formation of US Navy Blue Angels and US Air Force Thunderbirds swept through all five boroughs of the beleaguered city at around noon, almost every patient afflicted by COVID-19 was discharged in excellent health by press time.… Read more

US Navy Invests $14M to Move Deck Logs onto Blockchain

SAN DIEGO, CA — The Southern California startup QCel has announced a $14 million investment from the Department of Defense to modernize critical infrastructure aboard US Navy vessels using blockchain technology. QCel’s cloud-based platform will meet a primary objective to rapidly upgrade afloat software and communications systems’ record-keeping capabilities.

The entrepreneurs behind QCel (QMOW (Quartermaster of the Watch)-Controlled Electronic Ledger), Denis Palaniuk and Tim Strawser, founded their company after both serving as lieutenants on warships themselves.… Read more

Reservist Coworker ‘Deploys’, Gets Paid to Drink, Party in San Diego

ATLANTA, GA – Associate claims adjuster Gary Gaviola from the Metlife (MET) regional office in Atlanta has reportedly “deployed” again with his U.S. Navy Reserve unit, which is conducting training operations with San Diego’s Third Fleet. Mr. Gaviola’s coworkers appear to be riled by the fact that he will be receiving paid company leave to complete his military obligation, as is MetLife policy.… Read more

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