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Posts tagged as “Philadelphia”

Socialist Icon Gritty Testifies for Welfare Reform

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Champion of the people on and off the ice, Philadelphia Flyers’ mascot Gritty arrived at the nation’s capitol this week to appear before the House Ways and Means Committee as an advocate for Social Security and Medicare expansions. As Gritty, recently minted as a symbol for Leftist political movements, took the stand, none in the gallery knew what he would utter.… Read more

Philadelphia Returns to Wampum Currency to Combat ‘Cashless’ Retail

PHILADELPHIA, PA – This old school, physical currency might be the next wave of a more egalitarian economy in the City of Brotherly Love. Amid the trend of ‘cashless’ coffee shops and retail rising in the the United States, Philadelphia has authorized the use of wampum, shell beads traditionally used by Iroquois Nations for social and commercial transactions, as legal tender that must be accepted throughout the city.… Read more

Duke & Duke Collapses Under Commodities Futures

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Duke & Duke Commodity Brokers, one of the largest brokerage firms in Philadelphia, has collapsed after the first day of trading this year after the United States Department of Agriculture reported a favorable conditions for coming orange crop production. The brothers Randolph and Mortimer Duke, who have helmed the firm since its inception in 1949, have reportedly sold their seats on the Philadelphia commodities Exchange having failed to meet margin call on their frozen concentrated orange juice futures contracts.… Read more

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