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Posts tagged as “politics”

Perdue Farms Reaches Deal to Buy Presidentially-Pardoned Turkey for $1.3 Million

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Another storied White House tradition has been altered this week by President Trump, who announced today that the turkeys to be pardoned on Thanksgiving will then be sold to Perdue Farms for their “Celebrity Cold Cuts” product line. This Thursday, the bird chosen by the National Turkey Federation, Gobbles, will be presented to Mr.… Read more

Re-animated Corpse of Robespierre Dem Frontrunner in 2020

MANCHESTER, NH – The wide race for the 2020 Democratic presidential bid expanded today, as the re-animated corpse of French revolutionary Maximilien Robespierre announced his candidacy in New Hampshire. Recent polls put Mr. Robespierre in an early lead as his platform of radical social change, and history of violent terror to enact it, draws the Democratic party even further to the left.… Read more

TSA Employees Resort to Loose Change from X-Ray Conveyor Amid Gov Shutdown

MIAMI, FL – As the longest U.S. government shutdown in history slogs into its fourth week with no end in sight, Transportation Security Administration officials have resorted to making up lost paychecks however they can. While some have committed to absenteeism, many more are simply confiscating passengers’ loose change from conveyor belts.

At Miami International Airport, where one concourse has already been closed due to lack of T.S.A.… Read more

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