Epstein Cell Guards Tapped as New Treasury Dept. Watchdogs
May 18, 2020
“We’re a Small Business Since We Fired 90% of Our Employees” Says Bailout CEO
April 27, 2020
Babylonian Farmers Struggle to Recover from Ishtar’s Wrath
April 23, 2020
Ur -- Barely farmers are off to a rocky start in Q2 of the third...
‘This Couldn’t Possibly Be Worse,” Says Accountant Waking from Coma Who Has Yet to Learn Apocalypse Postponed Tax Day
April 15, 2020
Bureau of Printing and Engraving Not Expected to Meet Demand for Thirty Trillion Nickels
March 18, 2020
PHILADELPHIA -- "We thought the order was strange, too," admitted Jonathan D. Prunehopf, acting director in charge of the government agency responsible for printing United States currency, "but [Treasury Secretary] Mnuchin said he specifically wanted the entire $1.5 trillion stimulus plan to be paid in nickels. So here we are"

Posts tagged as “Tesla”

Tesla Cybertruck Predicted by iCarly Episode in 2011

Tesla Cybertruck Predicted by iCarly Episode in 2011

By Jack on December 9, 2019

PALO ALTO, CA -- Life often imitates art, and Elon Musk's breakthrough electric truck is no exception; careful observers have noticed that a strikingly similar vehicle can be seen in the Miranda Cosgrove teen sitcom, iCarly, which aired on the Disney Channel from 2008 to 2012.

Tesla Board Replaces Elon Musk’s Phone with Speak & Spell

Tesla Board Replaces Elon Musk’s Phone with Speak & Spell

By Jack on February 26, 2019

PALO ALTO, CA – Following another contentious bout between Elon Musk and the Securities Exchange Commission, the Tesla (TSLA) board voted unanimously to replace their Chief Executive’s phone with a 1979-model Speak & Spell children’s toy. The SEC has asked a federal court to hold Mr. Musk in contempt for violating procedures that had been put in place after he tweeted last October that he had secured funding to take Tesla private.… Read more

Alison Roman Also Responsible for Malagasy Murders Fueled by Vanilla Trade
ANTANANARIVO, Madagascar -- Alison Roman, the millennial cookbook author who rose to internet stardom on...
Whole Foods Employees Quit for Safety of Times Square Elmos
NEW YORK CITY -- As Whole Foods stores remain open amid the pandemic and workers...
As Quarantine Continues, More Parents are Adopting ‘Medea Method’ to Raise Children
The Emerging Virtual Happy Hour Double Standard: Red Wine is OK, Fat Bong Rips Still Aren’t
Even though cannabis dispensaries have been deemed 'essential' enough to remain open during the current health crisis, many American workplaces still view consumption as unseemly compared to the wine and beer during company-sponsored virtual gatherings.
Chipotle Allows Workers to Make Burritos at Home to Limit Virus Exposure
Chipotle, the fast-casual Mexican chain, believes that they have found the appropriate balance by allowing all of their service workers to make the day's burritos and tacos at home and bring them into the restaurant at the beginning of their shifts.

Equinox: “For $200 a Month, You Can Tag Us in Videos of You Doing Squats in the Park”
HUDSON YARDS, Manhattan -- The boutique gym chain has announced plans to reopen while taking steps to maintain proper hygiene, such as scheduling all visits...
MBAs Moved Online Won’t Relax Cocaine Quota to Graduate
WHITE PLAINS, NY -- Many students knew their last semester at business school would pose unique challenges, but maintaining a steady high from their childhood...
This NYC Restauranteur is Staying Afloat on Oil
What to when one industry, like Dining & Entertainment, has so much vacant floor space due to quarantine restrictions, yet another, Oil & Gas, is dangerously close to exceeding storage capacity since the coronavirus decimated demand for transportation.
Friend of Friend Promoted to Main Plug
Hospitals on Fly-Over: “Holy Shit, That Worked!”
NEW YORK CITY -- In what can only be described an unequivocal miracle, President Trump's self-aggrandizing air show has almost instantaneously solved the Coronavirus pandemic....