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Boredroom News

Bureau of Printing and Engraving Not Expected to Meet Demand for Thirty Trillion Nickels

PHILADELPHIA -- "We thought the order was strange, too," admitted Jonathan D. Prunehopf, acting director in charge of the government agency responsible for printing United States currency, "but [Treasury Secretary] Mnuchin said he specifically wanted the entire $1.5 trillion stimulus plan to be paid in nickels. So here we are"

Payphone Companies Fear Virus Could Spell End of Industry

"Everyone is too afraid to go outside in dense urban areas, handle coins that have been in circulation for decades, and then press their face against a dirty headset," lamented Gary Clymer, Director of Sales, Manufacturing, and Strange Beeps at Western Electric, and speaking remotely from a payphone on 49th and 8th, "so we may have to face to fact that our once-shining industry may never fully recover."

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