Even though cannabis dispensaries have been deemed 'essential' enough to remain open during the current health crisis, many American workplaces still view consumption as unseemly compared to the wine and beer during company-sponsored virtual gatherings.
PHILADELPHIA -- "We thought the order was strange, too," admitted Jonathan D. Prunehopf, acting director in charge of the government agency responsible for printing United States currency, "but [Treasury Secretary] Mnuchin said he specifically wanted the entire $1.5 trillion stimulus plan to be paid in nickels. So here we are"
Chipotle, the fast-casual Mexican chain, believes that they have found the appropriate balance by allowing all of their service workers to make the day's burritos and tacos at home and bring them into the restaurant at the beginning of their shifts.
"Everyone is too afraid to go outside in dense urban areas, handle coins that have been in circulation for decades, and then press their face against a dirty headset," lamented Gary Clymer, Director of Sales, Manufacturing, and Strange Beeps at Western Electric, and speaking remotely from a payphone on 49th and 8th, "so we may have to face to fact that our once-shining industry may never fully recover."